dung tract

First off, the boy-girl ratio is truly strange for a D&D game. Oh, wait, it's hard to make out the game-master's screen, but it's still Dark Dungeons here. I guess the morally superior, law abiding Christians want not to offend a trademark. I guess clean, well-dressed, orderly boys AND GIRLS played Dark Dungeons with foxy adult women while the rest of us were playing D&D.

Usually, the players describe the action, and the Game Master (GM) describes the result. It'd be more accurate that 'Wizard' says she casts a light spell, and the GM decides if the monster is blinded or not. At least, some dice should be thrown, gauging the odds/chance/probability versus the event.

Those are BIG freaking character figures. Where are the dice? The cases of soda and reefs of Doritos?

They don't use character sheets? Looks like golf tally sheets.

Still Dark Dungeons....

My, that's mighty virulent, quick-acting poison. Normally, a character gets to roll some dice here, for a chance of surviving the poison, or beg the others for a resurrection, a healing, drag me back to a temple, avenge my death, sing my death song, bury me with my lockpicks, tell Muffy I was the one who killed Fifi, whatever. This GM just kills her out of the blue. Note this for later.
Now, if the point of having Marcie's character in this tract is to show that she is so mind-fogged that she believes she IS the character, would she ask to stay in the game? Or would she ask someone to heal HER?
Normally, if the player is dead, you're not OUT. This isn't "Musical Monsters." The whole point of showing up is to play, so there are many ways to continue playing. Even if you have to make a Big Mac run until they get back to the Temple.

Wait, the CLERIC is 8th level? Wasn't she playing a wizard in panel one? I guess that was the name...odd name for a cleric. So why didn't the cleric heal the poison?

What is 'the personality' for the real power? Telling dead people they don't exist anymore?

'Training through D&D"...it's no longer Dark Dungeon....so much for copyright. The DD vice D&D was sufficient to confuse them at the first, but surely TSR's (Now Wizkids, or whoever has the most money these days) lawyers wouldn't read THIS far....

Intense occult training in D&D? You'd get more detail on ritual from watching X-Files, or Night Stalker.

Temple of Diana? A Greek Ruin? If you wanna be a pagan, wouldn't you find a temple with an easier commute?

I have found a few references to a dianic coven tradition. If Chick knew anything at all about them, I doubt he'd pass up a chance for a particular diatribe. Dianic's aren't necessarily lesbians, but the idea of Chick missing a chance to point out that the feminist pagan all-women satanist covens are "probably" homosexual to boot is unlikely. I've lost count of his rants against homosexuals elsewhere.

Not that I've ever inscribed a pentacle or a pentagram, but shouldn't the altar be either centered inside or completely outside the circle of protection? Depending on what you were doing and what you wanted protection from? On the edge just opens the circle...

Does anyone else find 14 to be an odd number for a coven...?

Who's Elfstar? She was playing "Wizard" in the game...Isn't the point we're leading up to proving that the evils in the game carry over into reality, and the player confuses herself with the character...? Where's her new character sheet?

Note the give-away: "This makes the game real." I know that's the point, but it really isn't supported by the rest of the tract. They're still playing the game.

I can't find any Mind Bondage spell from D&D, not for clerics nor wizards. This is not 'real gaming.'

The listing for a spell in the D&D 'manual' has a name, a description of the 'effect' of the spell, duration, damage done, and whether or not you have to speak words to cast it. It doesn't tell you WHAT words, or how to wave a wand, or just what to DO with the components...very clearly a manual for Play, not Life.

So, having made it thru the screening program into THE REAL MAGIC, the first spell she casts gets her more paraphenalia for the screening program? Wouldn't she get him to buy robes, an athame, a few candles, a broom, an owl, a magic wand...oh, wait, that's Harry Potter's introduction to the New Reality.

Eighth level clerics do not fight zombies. They automatically destroy them. Easier than dialing a friend's phone number.

And if the game master walks away, the game stops. Debbie can't be playing in this scene. This is why the most popular GM's have enormous bladders or caffeine allergies.

And again, if the game is real, why isn't she at the cemetery, or in college steam tunnels, losing contact with reality? Oh, that's it. She's lost contact with the way to play the game....

Of course, a parent willing to let their child lose their soul to Dark Dungeons wouldn't notice other self-destructive behavior.

Okay, any RPG'ers. Did your parent's know what was going on in your games? Did they know your favorite character's name? Character Class? Net worth on the Greyhawk Market?

Any RPGer whose mom knew when your character died, raise your hand.

.....and if she gave a rat's ass, raise BOTH hands.

What is the intention of stressing 'have' in 'didn't have to do that.' Like, it WAS an option, but not the only one? What are we to learn here?

you didn't have to do that!
you didn't have to do that!
you didn't have to do that!
you didn't have to do that!
you didn't have to do that!
you didn't have to do that !
you didn't have to do that!

And Where did she get that dragon?

Most of the fanatics that say D&D leads to suicide claim that the player identifies too much with the character, and starts living life as if they were the character. So, wouldn't Marcie have signed the letter Black Leaf? Or, with BL dead, wouldn't she have perceived herself as dead already, so killing herself would be redundant?

Since she didn't even get a savings throw to fail, how is BL's death HER fault? It was a (killer) DM's judgement, not her fault at all.

"If I'd left the game..." she isn't a good Christian, but she's a lousy pagan. Part of the teachings of her New Religion is that everyone takes responsibility for themself. Marcie made her choice, however confused she may have been. Debbie has no control over Marcie. Now, if she'd moaned, "I should have answered her call..." she might have a point about HER behavior...

"Your spiritual growth through the game..." So, is the game the goal or the screening program? I'm confused again.

NO! "We" didn't harm Marcie. Marcie did. Tragic and sad. Preventable, like most suicides. But her action. In the view of the pagans I know, "...do as YE will." is just as important as "An it harm none..." Strange she didn't see mind bondage as harm...theft...invasion of privacy...presumption of free will....

Okay, if we're suddenly in VOODOO, maybe Frost killing Black Mold was a spell she cast on Marcie...but the Marcie would have died at the game...and Frost would have had a use for the body of the newly deceased virgin (we assume)...nope, I'm confused again.

Elfstar? Debbie? What happened to Wizard? Where's this Wizard she's supposed to think she is? What have you done to Wizard!!!??

Now we come to the sponsor's message of this tract.

And where was the newly introduced central character when Marcie was in trouble? Or was she too geeky for Mike to associate with?

Can't talk about witchcraft without a Christian who 'came out of witchcraft' with lots of entertaining horror stories the fundamentalists lap up...

Trust Alex Trebek...he KNOWS about bondage dungeons.

Acts 19:19 says rock music is occult paraphernalia? Lessee: 19:19 Many of them also which used curious arts brought their books together, and burned them before all men: and they counted the price of them, and found it fifty thousand pieces of silver.

How about Proverbs 18:13 "He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is a folly and shame unto him." It's clear that Chick has no idea what he's talking about on this subject, but his mind is made up. So with that in mind:

Exodus 23:1 "Thou shalt not raise a false report: put not thine hand with the wicked to be an unrighteous witness."

D&D is spelled out, here. That copyright thing has some sort of half-life, I guess. When you pass the centerfold, it wears off. What the hey, we all knew what he was talking about, anyway.

Yep, pretty much how I remember church...Anyone that stands up startles the hell out of the ones sleeping in the pews.

Note the WARNING in the corner.

19:13 Then certain of the vagabond Jews, exorcists, took upon them to call over them which had evil spirits the name of the LORD Jesus, saying, We adjure you by Jesus whom Paul preacheth.

19:14 And there were seven sons of one Sceva, a Jew, and chief of the priests, which did so.

19:15 And the evil spirit answered and said, Jesus I know, and Paul I know; but who are ye?

19:16 And the man in whom the evil spirit was leaped on them, and overcame them, and prevailed against them, so that they fled out of that house naked and wounded.

19:17 And this was known to all the Jews and Greeks also dwelling at Ephesus; and fear fell on them all, and the name of the Lord Jesus was magnified.

The WARNING is because when you throw out demons, they might beat you and strip off your clothes. Does this ever happen to Benny Hinn?

Filth of Satan checkerboard, Filth of Satan lead figure, Filth of Satan D&D book, Filth of Satan D&D module, Filth of Satan rock music, Filth of Satan Pokemon t-shirt...but that cheesy mustache is the Lord's?

Nothing like a good book burning to prove the basic freedoms of this great country.

And, if anyone has been accidentally 'saved' here, the following Salvation Coupon can be printed out for your convenience. Blessed be.

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