Anthraxed 04


Oh, look, they’ve come upon a wandering monster.	You know, statistically, women party members are the ones that are most likely to-

suggest parlay, to try to placate the monsters before-	WOW! She REALLY aced that initiative roll, didn’t she?

Let’s step out in the middle of the action scene and go to our analyst for the situation so far. Annie?	Well, you see that the fan favorites, Prince Charming and his party, have made the least progress. They are, for all intents and purposes, in last place.

What about Steele’s team?	They made measurable progress before they shut down completely and lie, now, dead to the world and helpless before the smallest foe. They’re still ahead of Charming’s team.

What does that say about Charming’s chances to rescue The Princess?	Well, there’s more princesses in the Anthrax Shaft than you could toss a dwarf at, so his overall chances of rescuing SOME princess remain a non-zero sum. But his chances of finding King Arthur’s Daughter aren’t doing so well.

Now, an all-woman party is in the lead, so far, what do you suppose they’ll do with The Princess if they rescue her?	Couldn’t tell you, Elle. Maybe they’ll recruit her, maybe they’ll demand some other gift of equal value from Arthur instead of her hand in marriage.

Now, where’s Arthur in all of this?	We’ve only gotten a few sightings of Arthur, he seems to be taking the entire dungeon slowly and carefully.

He seems to be taking the entire dungeon home in a sack.	Yes, Arthur’s always been one to find profit in the darkness.

Elle, King Arthur’s team has just been sighted in the break room on the 4th level.	Look, I’m just saying the pretzels are twice as expensive here as they were on level one.
In the Below:

Alright,anyone else getting tired of scraping lichen off the wall to make tea?	Yes, but what ever shall we do?

I say we get the heck outta here.	But, there’s monsters out there! Big ugly flesh eating talon tipped monsters.

Just imagine that they’re all big ugly flesh eating talon tipped corset designers...	Grrrrrrrr. Grrrrrrrr. Grrrrrrrr. Grrrrrrrr.

…and you’ll be okay.	But, they’ll be right after us?

Well, we split up, and make our way up, I’m sure the King is leading a rescue even as we speak	Lance, bring us another round of sodas, if you please.

So, the first to find the rescuers helps lead them find all the other girls. Heck there’s probably more than one team up there looking for us!	I, Prince Charming of Greater Treadmill, do hereby declare that we have – -my heavens, are they dead?

They’re breathing.	I smell Sleep Trap gas number three.

SQUIRE you idiot! Be careful, there’s a gas trap somewhere around...	<FSSSSSSSSSSSSSSH!> Whoops....

Oh, bugger….	You know, <cough> I was almost 150 years old before I learned <cough-cough> that ‘squire you idiot’ was three words..
	We’ll probably trip over them on the way up!
Okay! Alright! Let’s do it! Grrrrrrrr.
In the Below: Well, STILL in the Below, actually, but outside where the princesses are imprisoned:

So anyway, Ah sez to him, Ah’m a Flesh Golem, mate, not a bloody zombie. So yer Charm Undead spell ain’t gonna affect nothing but the squashed bits in me boot.	Hurrr, hurr, hurr.

Excuse me?	Wh’t?

There’s no water coming from the tap. Could you have someone look into it? Pretty please?	Uh, yeah, get right on it. .

Alla damn time, gotta be off on some damned errand, fix this, find that, the pipes burst, the skeleton fell apart, they're outta torches…	Hey, wait a minit… there no tap water in that dungeon. There nothing but bucket water in that dungeon. HEY!

What?	Huh? What are you doin?

They said to ask for some clean towels, too.	Fair enough they’re on the ….beside the… damn, let’s go look for the plumber, first, then some towels

Monster rule #3, the bigger they are, the quicker they fall for a blonde. And we’re outta here.	Okay, Blondes to the north, Redheads disperse to the south, Brunettes filter in an easterly direction and All Others go west!

What sort of way is that to divide the group?	And what would you suggest?

Queens to the North, Princesses to the East, other Nobility to the South, and Commoners to the West. Assuming we agree that North is the likeliest direction to expect rescue?	Well, if we do it my way, you're more likely to end up in a group with someone that can cook, bind wounds or do your hair. Let's go.

Um, do you think she meant natural blondes go north, or everyone who's a blonde right now?	Don't worry, dear. If it's important to you, you belong with the blondes.

'Kay. Thanks.	Figures a blonde would ask that question.

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